Archive for March, 2008

Coaching Two Point Oh Oh

March 27, 2008

You know, I’ve been writing about Coaching 2.0 for a while now.  As I’ve told you, the feedback from my clients has been unvaryingly great.  The problem is that talking about it isn’t it.

So I’ve been wondering how I can give you a taste of it, give you some way of discovering it so you can make use of it in your life, make use of it in your business or, if you’re a coach, make use of it in your practice.

Then I thought – Maybe I can do a teleseminar and really show people how exciting it can be.  Except that would have you hear me talking about it instead of reading about it.  Big deal.  But then I got this idea.

I’ve been on teleseminars where they sometimes let one person from the audience interact with the leader.  Or one person acts as moderator and others interact with the leader.  That’s better, but it’s still not what Coaching 2.0 is, because the flavor is still missing, the dynamism is not there.

Well, I’ve given myself a small research project and I’ll tell you about it on April 3rd, hoping I’m not a fool, because here’s what I’m going to do.

I’m going to schedule a teleseminar in a few weeks.  And I am committing to be able to demonstrate Coaching 2.0 in a way that you will absolutely get it.  Call it a bold experiment.

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Commitment and Vulnerability

March 26, 2008

Commitment is an extraordinary force in people’s lives – It has the power to overcome thoughts, emotions, moods and habits – virtually anything that we use to stop ourselves from doing anything.  And there are commitment-phobes, not only in relationships, but in any area of our lives.

So a useful question is, “What stops commitment?”  One possible answer is Vulnerability.  Every time we commit – to anything, we increase the chances of being wounded, of losing, of failing.  And we have all experienced wounds, loss and failure.  Commitment exposes an area of vulnerability and we’ve experienced the dangers.

We have established a history where vulnerability = commitment, so why commit?  The way to become invulnerable is to not commit.  And despite the evidence of the strength of commitment, the embedded fear of vulnerability dominates.

The problem is that you can’t hedge your bet.  Commitment is 100%; you cannot sort of commit.  But here is where we trick – and in tricking – rob ourselves.  After a while – and the length of ‘a while’ is different for each of us – the experience of the hurt disappears.  But the decisions not to – the armor of invulnerability remains and hardens.  And we remain hurt when the next opportunity arises.

We’re left with wanting the rewards of commitment before committing.  We stand in front of a fireplace and yell at it, “First give me fire, then I’ll give you wood.” 

We are hurt in advance, by memories perhaps forgotten.  Here’s the only thing to do to gain the power commitment gives  you:

When you come to a high wall, toss your hat over it.  Then you’ll climb.

More good things are coming from me.  I will be launching a teleseminar on Coaching 2.0 – not so you’ll find out about it, but so you’ll experience it.  Still things I’m researching.  Stay tuned.  Check my website:  www.michaellipp.com

A New Form of Coaching

March 13, 2008

I’ve been practicing a form of coaching that I call Coaching 2.0.  What is it that makes it different from other forms of group coaching and why should people be interested?

Well, to start with, group coaching is more economical than one on one coaching, certainly a meaningful factor, particularly in today’s economy.  But every coach practices group coaching.  So?

Well, there are two mindsets that make this unique.  The first is the underlying premise of Coaching 2.0, which is that each client participates as well as I do, both as client and coach.  And the second premise is that I will lead the conversations in such a way that it stays on purpose and produces value for all.

There are three ways I lead a session.  The first is somewhat standard.  My coaching is fundamentally goal oriented, so we will look at people’s progress or stumbling blocks on fulfilling their goals.  Of course, no one is ever forced to participate, because in any group coaching session, you can ask for discretion, but you can’t guarantee it.  My experience in this matter is that people are extraordinarily generous.  So when one person ‘reports’ on progress or no progress, others join in.  My role is traditional.  I use all the technology of conversations – listening, repeating, interpreting and so on.

The second is that I may look at a general area, let’s say requests and lecture about it for a very few minutes and ask what participants see when they broach that topic; how are they about making requests; how are they about accepting, refusing or counter-offering.  These conversations are lively, pointed and invariably produce breakthroughs for more than one client, perhaps in many goals or goal areas.

And the third is that we dive in without any lecture.  For example, last night I simply read a quote from Frederick Brown, “A thing can look beautiful or romantic or inspiring only if the beauty or romance or inspiration is inside you.  What you see is inside your head.”  And then open the conversation.  Again, that can be very powerful and results in clients having breakthroughs.

This is a fast and fruitful way to coach.

I am offering a free 6-session seminar using Coaching 2.0, called The Principles of Relationships, starting April 21.  See my website, www.michaellipp.com for details and to register.

Requesting

March 7, 2008

Requesting There are two interesting measures of your power in the world and when you look at where we are with each of them, you can see how we rob ourselves.  And both of them deal with requesting.   The first is our ability to say “no” to requests made of us and, perhaps, simply measuring the number of those requests made of us. And the second is our ability to make requests of others. Of course, they’re related.  But let’s deal with them as if separate.  Here are some of the consequences of not being able to say no.  You rob yourself of the ability to contribute.  You feel that you’re being taken advantage of, that people are using you.  You have this sense of being a martyr; resentment builds.  And you have to hide all of that and are not even able to complain about it.  How can you, you said yes? How many noes will it take for you to be free of this?  I think only one.  The most important thing to see is that you aren’t saying no to the person, you’re saying no to the request.  We get the two mixed up.  When you observe that the requestor still feels the same about you, you’re cured, or at least have begun the cure.  Practice.  Oh, yes.  Here’s a crucial adjunct.  Just say no.  Do not give a reason.  You demean yourself by explaining.  In business, you always have to have a CYA statement.  No one believes you; they only believe your reason; it keeps you small. Now, since you feel that way about saying no, you must feel that that’s how someone will feel if you make a request of them.  You don’t want them to feel abused, resentful, obligated to you, and so forth.  You simply don’t want to impose.  Going hand in glove with that is wanting to do it all, and do it all yourself, wanting to live up to a foolish standard of perfection – a combination of Superman and the Lone Ranger.  You rob them of their ability to contribute.  You actually think it’s easier to do it by yourself and you keep finding out it isn’t.  You complain about not enough time, never a minute to yourself.  You feel powerless. How can you learn to make requests?  You can make a request when you know the answer will be no.  Or you can make a request when you know the answer will be yes.  Or both.  Notice their reactions.  Notice yours.  How long will this take?  Maybe forever.  It won’t necessarily go away.  It may go away about certain area, but not with others.  Play.