Commitment and Vulnerability

Commitment is an extraordinary force in people’s lives – It has the power to overcome thoughts, emotions, moods and habits – virtually anything that we use to stop ourselves from doing anything.  And there are commitment-phobes, not only in relationships, but in any area of our lives.

So a useful question is, “What stops commitment?”  One possible answer is Vulnerability.  Every time we commit – to anything, we increase the chances of being wounded, of losing, of failing.  And we have all experienced wounds, loss and failure.  Commitment exposes an area of vulnerability and we’ve experienced the dangers.

We have established a history where vulnerability = commitment, so why commit?  The way to become invulnerable is to not commit.  And despite the evidence of the strength of commitment, the embedded fear of vulnerability dominates.

The problem is that you can’t hedge your bet.  Commitment is 100%; you cannot sort of commit.  But here is where we trick – and in tricking – rob ourselves.  After a while – and the length of ‘a while’ is different for each of us – the experience of the hurt disappears.  But the decisions not to – the armor of invulnerability remains and hardens.  And we remain hurt when the next opportunity arises.

We’re left with wanting the rewards of commitment before committing.  We stand in front of a fireplace and yell at it, “First give me fire, then I’ll give you wood.” 

We are hurt in advance, by memories perhaps forgotten.  Here’s the only thing to do to gain the power commitment gives  you:

When you come to a high wall, toss your hat over it.  Then you’ll climb.

More good things are coming from me.  I will be launching a teleseminar on Coaching 2.0 – not so you’ll find out about it, but so you’ll experience it.  Still things I’m researching.  Stay tuned.  Check my website:

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