Archive for the ‘promises’ Category

Awesome Coaching Notes: 5-21

May 22, 2008

Group Coaching is an interesting phenomenon,,, a lot like a jazz combo – one riff comes after another and flies above it.  The rhythym of the group creates a certain tension that facilitates the solos.  Sounds strange, I know, but the things that are said are often unpredictable.

Last night we dealt with each person’s goals.  I saw that the way we normally treat a goal is similar to the way we usually deal with a project – in some sense like a straight line.  Here’s the starting point – then this step, that step, and on until this milestone is reached, then that and so on.  That’s not even what happens with project plans.  We lose sight of “Man plans, God laughs.”  When plans are fixed, we often scramble to deal with frequent emergencies, shifts in outside factors, oversights, etc.  They often seem to rely on one or two people who somehow deal with the breakdowns and move forward regardless.

Goals rarely start with a well-defined plan; the plan -if any – is usually incomplete or non-existent.  There’s often floundering around, searching for a useful direction.  I use the prairie dog metaphor — constantly sicking your head out and scanning the horizon to see what’s next.  Course correction is constant; ‘next’ is often more valuable than ‘forward.’  Too many people are discouraged by an apparent blunder.  Blunders teach.

That brought up the subject of where do goals come from?  Are they realistic?  Are they achievable?
I floundered.  There’s something useful achieved simply by saying them… Saying them to a group is even more valuable.  This brings the Law of Attraction into play.  We work with ‘how’ to provide focus and intention.  But focusing gives the universe the ‘what.’  Tiny impulses provide the ‘how.’… where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Look, the main feature of goals is that they defy statistics.  I know that some of my clients havce stated goals that seem impossible (“have my husband’s ex-wife stop suing us.”  and similar leaps into the, at best, improbable) And have made their goals.  Not all make their goals.  Most – overwhelming number – do.  Why is the most intriguing question for  coach.

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The Name of the Game

February 5, 2008

The name of our game is Trust.

I have said before that attention is the missing ingredient – that we all need to get people’s attention, to keep that attention and then to have people act on it.  I know I need it and so do you.  It may be in forming a relationship; it may be in forwarding a career; it may be in fulfilling a dream, a commitment, a noble cause.  But nothing can be done alone and expanding involvement is always essential.

Let’s talk about keeping attention and then acting on it.  That’s where trust enters in.  Because we have been thoroughtly trained not to trust.  It’s super-Tuesday, after all – Getting through the smokescreens of promises to discover the kernels of believability is up to each of us.  Who can we trust?  We see 5,000 ads a day.  Which wins our trust? 

Trust keeps our attention and causes us to act.  But here’s the conflict: “The only way to make a man trustworthy, is to trust him.” And we have been schooled in suspicion.

Well, here’s what I do and who I am.  What I do is give you tremendous free goods and services.  F’rinstance:  I give away a free 6 session semionar.  I’ve done it four times already and I have another starting Monday, February 18 (and the next 5 Mondays) You email me michael@michaellipp.com and I’ll register you, or I’ll send you a course description:  The Relationship Principles gives you a powerful experience of my coaching and new and valuable insights into your relationships, from intimate to business.  Sign up on my website www.michaellipp.com and you’ll get free newsletters on coaching every week as well as access to the best material you can hope for.  And there are my blogs.  That’s some of what I do.

And who I am (read my profile) is a complete commitment to all of us fulfilling our dreams, obtaining a susteinable environment, social justice and spiritual fulfillment.  I’ve learned a lot in my 71 years and I make it all available.

My intention is to earn the kind of trust that has you ask me to fulfill your wants and needs – not only with coaching.  You can count on my recommendations.

Having What You Want and When You Want

January 23, 2008

Here is how to get what you want, at least the first three steps and these can be enough. 

First see what you want – This may be the hardest step.  Then change your wants into goals. A want is an emotional state, just a little bit stronger than a wish; it has no inherent power.  It may not even involve you.

A goal is a commitment to action.  It’s specific in terms of the intended result and the time when it will be accomplished.  Because of that, goals call for you to look at your possible support structures and your available resources.

Here’s the next step – one you may not be familiar with in this context.  Turn each of your goals into affirmations, but do it this way:  Suppose a goal is to double your income in three months.  An affirmation might be, “I am thrilled that my income is doubled.”
Note that the time is omitted.  That brings the future, as stated in your goal, into the present – with emotion.

Then visualize your life with a doubled income, however you can manifest that vision.  Then say your affirmation with that emotion and visualize the result. Do that twice a day.  Do it with each goal and share that goal with people you care about.

Of course, nothing happens magically; you must take action, muster your support, use your resources and do what you say.  But over and over these steps do work.

I use them with people in a free 6-session teleseminar seminar I give, Successful Relationships [Sign up by sending email to me, Michael Lipp at michael@michaellipp.com  – There’s one in progress and it starts again on February 18th at 7:30 Eastern]

It’s very consistent with my commitments to spiritual fulfillment, social justice and a sustainable environment.  You’ll love it.

Awesome Results

December 12, 2007

We had our first session of 21 Awesome Results coaching last night.  The notion behind this is simple – Suppose you had 21 goals for your life; three goals in each of seven areas, basically covering your entire life:  Financial, Career, Recreation & Free Time, Well-Being, Relationships, Other Personal Goals, and Community or Contribution.  Now imagine what your life would be like if you accomplished these goals within a year.

This is a unique form of group coaching, with the intention for you to fulfill those 21 goals.  You can join the group at any time; a free one hour session is scheduled   with you so you can catch up and won’t feel lost in the group. There are two groups, each limited to six people – they’re set up for East Coast/ West Coast convenience as well as making up a missed session.  Your group quickly becomes a community because the structure is  interactive and assignments generally include sharing with a partner.

The cost is  $35/session.

Giant Steps

October 11, 2007

When I was maybe 7 or 8 we used to play a street game called “Giant Steps.”  The leader would tell a player he or she could come closer and when they touched, the leader would chase them back to the start line.  If they got there first, they became the leader, otherwise the leader stayed the same. 

The leader would say, “You may take 3 giant steps,” or “you may take 5 baby steps,” or you may take 4 umbrella steps,” etc.  My point is that you were not allowed to actually take the steps until you said, “May I?” and the leader said, “yes.”

The key element in being able to move forward was permission.

It is still that way.  You cannot engage effectively with another person without permission.  It is another one of the key tips about coaching.  First permission, then whatever else.

And people are enormously generous in giving permission.  The simple request, “is it all right if I tell you something?” shifts the context of the conversation, actually changing the ears of the other person.  Now, if what you want to say feels especially awkward or sensitive to you, go for more permission.  “This may be sensitive; is it still okay?”  Or “I don’t want you to hear this the wrong way, is it still okay?”

Again, people are generous.  It shifts the interaction from intrusiveness to partnership. 

Once you have permission, you can say anything – without fear of reprisal.  After all, you have been invited in.There is another aspect of permission that also has tremendous value.  When you are nervous or feel silly or stupid or inappropriate, give yourself permission – “I feel really stupid saying this, but ….,” or “I’m awfully nervous about this, …”

The coaching model I use goes as follows:  First permission, then ask a question, then clarify the answer… This frequently leads to the client having an insight.  This, in turn, results in a possible action, which, when repeated, leads to new habits and, ultimately to desired results.

My website is www.michaellipp.com

Perspectives on a Fulfilled Life – March 19th, 2007

March 19, 2007

Major Mind Change 

Guerilla Business School was an extraordinary experience.  I was taught by the best in the business – and my definition of ‘the best’ is that I’ve learned a lot and that a lot of it is sticking – a lot.  I am busily reinventing my business and, in the process, myself.  I’ve never had to discard so many inherited misconceptions before.    Here’s one – and I expect you’ll find it useful, even though my face is red as I write it… 

The way I’ve always coached people (notice the past tense) is that, after we’ve gotten

comfortable with one another, I go through an exercise that allows clients to set goals for

themselves.  These then form the basis for the coaching.  And I’ve tracked clients’ progress

In meeting these goals. 

But I found out something that I already knew, but didn’t attach any importance to.  In a strong

way we’re conditioned to think of goals as ‘out there’ somewhere, as unattainable.  I’ve

written about how we’re conditioned to associate goals with failure (think New Year’s

resolutions) and how we’re conditioned to protect ourselves from goals – to think small.  When

we set ‘goals’ at work, we think ‘easily achievable.’  We’re happy to come close, to make

‘real progress.’ But that’s not what we want!  We want to set big goals and to achieve them. 

There is a clear relationship between achieving our objectives and our commitment to that. 

What can we do to maximize that commitment?  That will inherently improve our ability to

achieve the ‘goal.’ 

So, I’m adopting a new strategy – I won’t work to generate goals – I’ll ask you to promise to

achieve your objective.  Now I know there are issues of morality here – In a way, that’s my

point.  See, we’re buit to think we’re bad if we don’t keep our promise – but it’s okay if we

don’t make our goal.  Well, forget about the bad part, but keep the added ferocity of effort that

will  come along with promising.

 

When doctors ask patients to promise to take their medicine, they are significantly more

likely to take their medicine.  Let’s apply that to our own futures and go forward with that

energy. If you want to use this article (or any of my articles) in your Ezine, newsletter or website, you can – as long as you include this bio with it:  Michael Lipp, MS, coach and author provides innovative and profitable strategies to entrepreneurs, seniors, and people committed to sustainability and/or creativity.  My website is being redesigned – Write me at
michaellipp@1stclasscoaching.com
 

            Useful Quotes

The most successful people are those who are good at plan B.
|
James Yorke 
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
Dorothy Brande Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing.
Abraham Lincoln 

Promises are like the full moon, if they are not kept at once they diminish day by day
German Proverb  Better a broken promise than none at all.
Mark Twain 

                              The Creative Corner                                                                 The day holds promise                              
The sun is bright – forget the snow                             
All tomorrows are cloudless now
                                                  
There was a time of gray,
                              
When words,once spoken,  were uncertain
                               
And yes –
I spoke and no one heard –                          
A curtain descended on the future,
                                
Now newly parted by my voice –
                                
The promise of the day is mine