Archive for the ‘relationships’ Category

Awesome Coaching Notes: 5-21

May 22, 2008

Group Coaching is an interesting phenomenon,,, a lot like a jazz combo – one riff comes after another and flies above it.  The rhythym of the group creates a certain tension that facilitates the solos.  Sounds strange, I know, but the things that are said are often unpredictable.

Last night we dealt with each person’s goals.  I saw that the way we normally treat a goal is similar to the way we usually deal with a project – in some sense like a straight line.  Here’s the starting point – then this step, that step, and on until this milestone is reached, then that and so on.  That’s not even what happens with project plans.  We lose sight of “Man plans, God laughs.”  When plans are fixed, we often scramble to deal with frequent emergencies, shifts in outside factors, oversights, etc.  They often seem to rely on one or two people who somehow deal with the breakdowns and move forward regardless.

Goals rarely start with a well-defined plan; the plan -if any – is usually incomplete or non-existent.  There’s often floundering around, searching for a useful direction.  I use the prairie dog metaphor — constantly sicking your head out and scanning the horizon to see what’s next.  Course correction is constant; ‘next’ is often more valuable than ‘forward.’  Too many people are discouraged by an apparent blunder.  Blunders teach.

That brought up the subject of where do goals come from?  Are they realistic?  Are they achievable?
I floundered.  There’s something useful achieved simply by saying them… Saying them to a group is even more valuable.  This brings the Law of Attraction into play.  We work with ‘how’ to provide focus and intention.  But focusing gives the universe the ‘what.’  Tiny impulses provide the ‘how.’… where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Look, the main feature of goals is that they defy statistics.  I know that some of my clients havce stated goals that seem impossible (“have my husband’s ex-wife stop suing us.”  and similar leaps into the, at best, improbable) And have made their goals.  Not all make their goals.  Most – overwhelming number – do.  Why is the most intriguing question for  coach.

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A New Form of Coaching

March 13, 2008

I’ve been practicing a form of coaching that I call Coaching 2.0.  What is it that makes it different from other forms of group coaching and why should people be interested?

Well, to start with, group coaching is more economical than one on one coaching, certainly a meaningful factor, particularly in today’s economy.  But every coach practices group coaching.  So?

Well, there are two mindsets that make this unique.  The first is the underlying premise of Coaching 2.0, which is that each client participates as well as I do, both as client and coach.  And the second premise is that I will lead the conversations in such a way that it stays on purpose and produces value for all.

There are three ways I lead a session.  The first is somewhat standard.  My coaching is fundamentally goal oriented, so we will look at people’s progress or stumbling blocks on fulfilling their goals.  Of course, no one is ever forced to participate, because in any group coaching session, you can ask for discretion, but you can’t guarantee it.  My experience in this matter is that people are extraordinarily generous.  So when one person ‘reports’ on progress or no progress, others join in.  My role is traditional.  I use all the technology of conversations – listening, repeating, interpreting and so on.

The second is that I may look at a general area, let’s say requests and lecture about it for a very few minutes and ask what participants see when they broach that topic; how are they about making requests; how are they about accepting, refusing or counter-offering.  These conversations are lively, pointed and invariably produce breakthroughs for more than one client, perhaps in many goals or goal areas.

And the third is that we dive in without any lecture.  For example, last night I simply read a quote from Frederick Brown, “A thing can look beautiful or romantic or inspiring only if the beauty or romance or inspiration is inside you.  What you see is inside your head.”  And then open the conversation.  Again, that can be very powerful and results in clients having breakthroughs.

This is a fast and fruitful way to coach.

I am offering a free 6-session seminar using Coaching 2.0, called The Principles of Relationships, starting April 21.  See my website, www.michaellipp.com for details and to register.

Viral Coaching

February 14, 2008

One of the ways I coach is with small groups.  My job is to orchestrate the conversation.  What I find over and over is that the participants coach one another; insights are contagious and shift the conversation.  What I do is summarize, appreciate and put my 2 cents in.  And, inevitably, I am coached and get value from the conversation,

In many ways this is far more effective than one on one coaching and, remarkably, it is far less expensive.  I will analogize this to Web 2.0, a sort of Coaching 2.0.  I provide an overall commitment and a gross structure.  You provide the rest.

Why I called this Viral Coaching is another aspect of the same Coaching 2.0 notion.  I know that people will talk about this.  “Hey, I’m doing something that you would love.  You should try this.  It’s Awesome Coaching and it’s awesome.” 

The Name of the Game

February 5, 2008

The name of our game is Trust.

I have said before that attention is the missing ingredient – that we all need to get people’s attention, to keep that attention and then to have people act on it.  I know I need it and so do you.  It may be in forming a relationship; it may be in forwarding a career; it may be in fulfilling a dream, a commitment, a noble cause.  But nothing can be done alone and expanding involvement is always essential.

Let’s talk about keeping attention and then acting on it.  That’s where trust enters in.  Because we have been thoroughtly trained not to trust.  It’s super-Tuesday, after all – Getting through the smokescreens of promises to discover the kernels of believability is up to each of us.  Who can we trust?  We see 5,000 ads a day.  Which wins our trust? 

Trust keeps our attention and causes us to act.  But here’s the conflict: “The only way to make a man trustworthy, is to trust him.” And we have been schooled in suspicion.

Well, here’s what I do and who I am.  What I do is give you tremendous free goods and services.  F’rinstance:  I give away a free 6 session semionar.  I’ve done it four times already and I have another starting Monday, February 18 (and the next 5 Mondays) You email me michael@michaellipp.com and I’ll register you, or I’ll send you a course description:  The Relationship Principles gives you a powerful experience of my coaching and new and valuable insights into your relationships, from intimate to business.  Sign up on my website www.michaellipp.com and you’ll get free newsletters on coaching every week as well as access to the best material you can hope for.  And there are my blogs.  That’s some of what I do.

And who I am (read my profile) is a complete commitment to all of us fulfilling our dreams, obtaining a susteinable environment, social justice and spiritual fulfillment.  I’ve learned a lot in my 71 years and I make it all available.

My intention is to earn the kind of trust that has you ask me to fulfill your wants and needs – not only with coaching.  You can count on my recommendations.

Having What You Want and When You Want

January 23, 2008

Here is how to get what you want, at least the first three steps and these can be enough. 

First see what you want – This may be the hardest step.  Then change your wants into goals. A want is an emotional state, just a little bit stronger than a wish; it has no inherent power.  It may not even involve you.

A goal is a commitment to action.  It’s specific in terms of the intended result and the time when it will be accomplished.  Because of that, goals call for you to look at your possible support structures and your available resources.

Here’s the next step – one you may not be familiar with in this context.  Turn each of your goals into affirmations, but do it this way:  Suppose a goal is to double your income in three months.  An affirmation might be, “I am thrilled that my income is doubled.”
Note that the time is omitted.  That brings the future, as stated in your goal, into the present – with emotion.

Then visualize your life with a doubled income, however you can manifest that vision.  Then say your affirmation with that emotion and visualize the result. Do that twice a day.  Do it with each goal and share that goal with people you care about.

Of course, nothing happens magically; you must take action, muster your support, use your resources and do what you say.  But over and over these steps do work.

I use them with people in a free 6-session teleseminar seminar I give, Successful Relationships [Sign up by sending email to me, Michael Lipp at michael@michaellipp.com  – There’s one in progress and it starts again on February 18th at 7:30 Eastern]

It’s very consistent with my commitments to spiritual fulfillment, social justice and a sustainable environment.  You’ll love it.

Do the Big Rocks First

November 15, 2007

Life is a constant stream of distractions.  Dealing with them often keeps us from our work.  Consider that work is just another distraction.

Your goals create your future.  Your vision of that future empowers those goals.  As I’ve often said, the traffic is even worse when we’re paving the road.  How do we work on our goals when the traffic is so bad, when the distractions mount?

You have big rocks, little rocks and sand – and one bowl.  It makes sense to pour the sand, then the small rocks and then the big rocks –  The trouble is, there’s not enought room for the big rocks. Suppose you do it the other way round.  Put the big rocks in.  Then the small rocks will fit in the available space and the sand will flow around everything to the bottom.  It’s counter-intuitive, and it works.

Every day:  First meditate.  This clears your mind and puts you in touch with the universe.  Then review your goals – speak your affirmations.  Then write down your goals for today, then your plans for the day.  Give yourself time to study and learn.

If that crowds your morning, get up earlier.

Giant Steps

October 11, 2007

When I was maybe 7 or 8 we used to play a street game called “Giant Steps.”  The leader would tell a player he or she could come closer and when they touched, the leader would chase them back to the start line.  If they got there first, they became the leader, otherwise the leader stayed the same. 

The leader would say, “You may take 3 giant steps,” or “you may take 5 baby steps,” or you may take 4 umbrella steps,” etc.  My point is that you were not allowed to actually take the steps until you said, “May I?” and the leader said, “yes.”

The key element in being able to move forward was permission.

It is still that way.  You cannot engage effectively with another person without permission.  It is another one of the key tips about coaching.  First permission, then whatever else.

And people are enormously generous in giving permission.  The simple request, “is it all right if I tell you something?” shifts the context of the conversation, actually changing the ears of the other person.  Now, if what you want to say feels especially awkward or sensitive to you, go for more permission.  “This may be sensitive; is it still okay?”  Or “I don’t want you to hear this the wrong way, is it still okay?”

Again, people are generous.  It shifts the interaction from intrusiveness to partnership. 

Once you have permission, you can say anything – without fear of reprisal.  After all, you have been invited in.There is another aspect of permission that also has tremendous value.  When you are nervous or feel silly or stupid or inappropriate, give yourself permission – “I feel really stupid saying this, but ….,” or “I’m awfully nervous about this, …”

The coaching model I use goes as follows:  First permission, then ask a question, then clarify the answer… This frequently leads to the client having an insight.  This, in turn, results in a possible action, which, when repeated, leads to new habits and, ultimately to desired results.

My website is www.michaellipp.com