Having What You Want and When You Want

January 23, 2008

Here is how to get what you want, at least the first three steps and these can be enough. 

First see what you want – This may be the hardest step.  Then change your wants into goals. A want is an emotional state, just a little bit stronger than a wish; it has no inherent power.  It may not even involve you.

A goal is a commitment to action.  It’s specific in terms of the intended result and the time when it will be accomplished.  Because of that, goals call for you to look at your possible support structures and your available resources.

Here’s the next step – one you may not be familiar with in this context.  Turn each of your goals into affirmations, but do it this way:  Suppose a goal is to double your income in three months.  An affirmation might be, “I am thrilled that my income is doubled.”
Note that the time is omitted.  That brings the future, as stated in your goal, into the present – with emotion.

Then visualize your life with a doubled income, however you can manifest that vision.  Then say your affirmation with that emotion and visualize the result. Do that twice a day.  Do it with each goal and share that goal with people you care about.

Of course, nothing happens magically; you must take action, muster your support, use your resources and do what you say.  But over and over these steps do work.

I use them with people in a free 6-session teleseminar seminar I give, Successful Relationships [Sign up by sending email to me, Michael Lipp at michael@michaellipp.com  – There’s one in progress and it starts again on February 18th at 7:30 Eastern]

It’s very consistent with my commitments to spiritual fulfillment, social justice and a sustainable environment.  You’ll love it.

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Time for Next Year: More on Goals

December 20, 2007

A goal creates a future.  It’s a target, something to aim at, something that provides direction and focus.  And what we don’t fully understand is that when we send energy into the universe, the universe responds to that energy. 

Negative goals manifest the negative circumstances.  I won’t X will always give you more X. Be careful about losing weight and New Year’s resolutions.

Forced goals (like at work) may be met – but they’re always chores.  They mean more work, harder work and less authentic satisfaction. And our heart isn’t in it – our butt, yes – but not our heart.  The universe doesn’t hear grunts.  It hears cheers. Actually, it hears grunts – but it grunts back.

There was a time when I had sales goals with no charge on them at all.  What an amazing strategy –  Here’s how it worked on me:  Whenever I made the goal, I immediately made a higher goal.  Whenever I didn’t make the goal, I immediately made a higher goal because I could see how to correct and so I shot higher. 

It ended up that I received a reward for my performance.  “Why?” I said.  “I rarely ever made my goals.”  But I also never noticed my achievements along the way.  I kept correcting and improving, correcting and improving.  The results grew and grew.

This is part of what formed one of my strong beliefs.  You’ll encounter this again and again: 
“Ready… Fire… Aim!”  Correct and improve, correct and improve,… When there’s no sense of failure, there’s the room to correct and fire again. You know when we landed on the moon, we were off course almost all the time…the strategy of correct and aim was constant and essential.

Awesome Results

December 12, 2007

We had our first session of 21 Awesome Results coaching last night.  The notion behind this is simple – Suppose you had 21 goals for your life; three goals in each of seven areas, basically covering your entire life:  Financial, Career, Recreation & Free Time, Well-Being, Relationships, Other Personal Goals, and Community or Contribution.  Now imagine what your life would be like if you accomplished these goals within a year.

This is a unique form of group coaching, with the intention for you to fulfill those 21 goals.  You can join the group at any time; a free one hour session is scheduled   with you so you can catch up and won’t feel lost in the group. There are two groups, each limited to six people – they’re set up for East Coast/ West Coast convenience as well as making up a missed session.  Your group quickly becomes a community because the structure is  interactive and assignments generally include sharing with a partner.

The cost is  $35/session.

Permission

November 27, 2007

A friend of mine just emailed me about an essay I wrote – The ‘message’ I wrote was that when I give you my word, I am also giving you permission to hold me accountable for keeping that word.  I can’t find it – but I hold myself accountable because I gave him my word.

One of the things about that is that we are careless about our word.  See – it’s not dependent on standard, agreed upon English.  We do not have to say, “you have my word” or “I promise that …”  So we can’t wiggle out when we don’t use those phrases.  It could be something simple, even nebulous, like, “I’ll get back to you on that.”  Even though we don’t give a specific ‘by when,’ there’s a commitment there – granted, the receiver has to have a sense of when ‘long enough’ is…so there is some wiggle room – but not that much.

If I consider myself a person whose word is solid (and I do), then I owe it to myself to allow you to hold me accountable for it.   I follow the Law of Attraction – The Universe responds to who I am – not to who I say I am.  If I am always true to my word, then my word is law, at least in my universe (which is the only one that counts for me.)

Now I don’t always keep my word – this isn’t a holier than thou sermon.  Sometimes I forget; sometimes circumstances seem to get in the way.  But when I forget, I really want you to remind me, to hold me accountable; you’re doing me a service.

And when I just blow it, it works for me to clean it up as soon as I can, to make amends when possible.  And (I’m Jewish) there’s always Yom Kippur – the Day of Atonement.  I ask God to forgive me – and He always does – even though we both know I’ll do it again.

Do the Big Rocks First

November 15, 2007

Life is a constant stream of distractions.  Dealing with them often keeps us from our work.  Consider that work is just another distraction.

Your goals create your future.  Your vision of that future empowers those goals.  As I’ve often said, the traffic is even worse when we’re paving the road.  How do we work on our goals when the traffic is so bad, when the distractions mount?

You have big rocks, little rocks and sand – and one bowl.  It makes sense to pour the sand, then the small rocks and then the big rocks –  The trouble is, there’s not enought room for the big rocks. Suppose you do it the other way round.  Put the big rocks in.  Then the small rocks will fit in the available space and the sand will flow around everything to the bottom.  It’s counter-intuitive, and it works.

Every day:  First meditate.  This clears your mind and puts you in touch with the universe.  Then review your goals – speak your affirmations.  Then write down your goals for today, then your plans for the day.  Give yourself time to study and learn.

If that crowds your morning, get up earlier.

Paying Attention to Team

November 12, 2007

Recently I’ve been writing about Team and I’ve been writing about Attention.  I suppose they’re connected, because I seem to be interested in both… I’m certainly paying attention to how a team is a team.

I watched the Giants – vs Cowboys football game yesterday.  I’ve been watching the Giants since before the NFL existed, when there were teams called the Yankees and Brooklyn, so I know something about the game.  I thought the difference yeaterday was in the nature of team. 

It could be said that there were two penalties that may have cost the Giants the game.  They were ‘delay of game’ penalties, both occuring on the same drive, so the Giants had to go 10 yards further and had to give the ball up.  Delay of game is caused be the inability of the team to line up appropriately and get ready for the next play.They have a total of maybe 20 seconds. those One of the fascinating things about football is that 11 men have to be trained to think of themselves as one — They all have to be coordinated on every play.  Not easy, particularly when there’s a dynamic between how you line up on offense and the other team suddenly changes how they line up on defense.  You have to change in an instant and when you can’t, it’s delay of  game.

The same sort of thing happened going the other way, but it happened differently and was amazingly costly.  In this 11 vs 11 game it often comes down to one on one, but that happens in the context of team.  Dallas has a big, fast receiver (Terril Owens).  He is generally faster than any one Giant defender.  So the way the Giant team calls its defensive alignment affects how Owens is covered.  Now, one of the teams changed how that would happen in the 4th quarter, the end of the game.  And it ended up that twice, the Giants had only one admittedly slower man on Owens.  Owens caught two touchdown passes.  This, it seemed to me was a team mismatch – a wrong defensive alignment was called for —and the team could not adjust fast enough. 

When an important game ends — this one was important – most people watch highlights, individual accomplishments.  What was decisive in this game was Team play.

All You Need is Love

November 3, 2007

Knowing and forgetting you know have great, often unrecongnized impact.  I have a fundamental mindset in my coaching that you know the solutions to your problems and you don’t know that you know or have forgotten that you know.  Happened to me…  Rediscovered in one of my Mastermind groups.

“All I ever did was I did what I loved.  And I just made money at it.”  This from a good friend, highly known and respected in his chosen fields.  He just reminded me of the wisdom of the Beatles.  And the wisdom of every religion.  And the wisdom of the  Lazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment and, of course, the Law of Attraction.  In fact – all wisdom.  So How could I forget?  I certainly know this.

But I see that I sometimes lose my focus.  It’s really exquisite:  Here’s one side:  I focus on money, knowing I will then use it with love.  And the other sideL  I focus on God, knowing “Him” as the substance of Love and the source of prosperity and all my good.  Just a “little” shift in context, like “first give me fire then I’ll give you wood.”

This is why vision is crucial in coaching.  When you are completely focussed on your goal, it’s easy to forget why the goal.  The point of your goal is not the goal!  The point is the ongoing fulfillment of your vision.

What’s your vision?

Creating Team

October 30, 2007

Supervisors; et al, want to create their groups as a team.  But what does that mean?  What are the characteristics of a team?  This is what I see:

1- Everyone knows their job and knows their role.  They are willing and able to do it.

2- Everyone knows that the success of the team is more important than their own.

3-When someone on the team makes a mistake or is incapable of functioning, another member is willing and able to step in, either in the moment (unasked) or as requested.

4- There’s alignment on the vision and goals of the team.  Members do not have to like one another and they need a way to discharge their differences.

5- There are clear lines of communication.

6- The members have the confidence and ability to cause and sustain rallies.

7- There is one leader (for communication and decisions) and there are many leaders.

Creating team requires an understanding of appreciation and reward for the members and a way of dealing with inadequacy, disagreement and dissension.

Remembering

October 19, 2007

michael.jpgThis is me in case you wondered.  I think it was just taken at my youngest daughter’s wedding.

Here’s the thing – we often know what to do – right after we don’t do it…and vice versa, like remembering we gave up smoking today right after we light up, or saying ‘whoops’ right after eating that piece of cake.

So how can we remember in time?  Ultimately, we can’t – until what we want becomes a habit.  And it takes (most experts say) about a month to lock in a new habit.  So let’s look at what happens when we ‘forget.’.

Consider these responses: “Darn, I just had a piece of cake – I’ll never get this right.”

“I just had a piece of cake, when will I ever learn?”

“I just had a piece of cake, what can I do instead of eating cake?”

There are many different responses – many.  But let’s look at the Law of Attraction.  The first two responses above are fixing your old habit in the universe.  You are attracting never getting it right or never learning.  The third response will actually attract alternative behavior (it also implies forgiveness and that’s critical).  Soon you will be doing something else.

When I set a goal, I immediately turn it into 1) something I visualize as having happened ands 2) an affirmation having the goal manifested in the present (I love ooking great by eating healthy foods, for example.)  And I say that affirmation twice a day (with emotion:  I LOVE looking GREAT by eating healthy foods.)

After a while, you’ll get it – It may no show up according to your plan, but who cares?  It will show up.  Incidentally, I went to my doctor last night and I weighed my lowest since seeing him (went from 245 to 178) I have no sense of dieting.  None!

Giant Steps

October 11, 2007

When I was maybe 7 or 8 we used to play a street game called “Giant Steps.”  The leader would tell a player he or she could come closer and when they touched, the leader would chase them back to the start line.  If they got there first, they became the leader, otherwise the leader stayed the same. 

The leader would say, “You may take 3 giant steps,” or “you may take 5 baby steps,” or you may take 4 umbrella steps,” etc.  My point is that you were not allowed to actually take the steps until you said, “May I?” and the leader said, “yes.”

The key element in being able to move forward was permission.

It is still that way.  You cannot engage effectively with another person without permission.  It is another one of the key tips about coaching.  First permission, then whatever else.

And people are enormously generous in giving permission.  The simple request, “is it all right if I tell you something?” shifts the context of the conversation, actually changing the ears of the other person.  Now, if what you want to say feels especially awkward or sensitive to you, go for more permission.  “This may be sensitive; is it still okay?”  Or “I don’t want you to hear this the wrong way, is it still okay?”

Again, people are generous.  It shifts the interaction from intrusiveness to partnership. 

Once you have permission, you can say anything – without fear of reprisal.  After all, you have been invited in.There is another aspect of permission that also has tremendous value.  When you are nervous or feel silly or stupid or inappropriate, give yourself permission – “I feel really stupid saying this, but ….,” or “I’m awfully nervous about this, …”

The coaching model I use goes as follows:  First permission, then ask a question, then clarify the answer… This frequently leads to the client having an insight.  This, in turn, results in a possible action, which, when repeated, leads to new habits and, ultimately to desired results.

My website is www.michaellipp.com